SOS - Violence and Safety

Emergency

Intro:

You don’t have to go through this alone. Asking for help is not betrayal – it is self-defense.

– Do not hesitate! –

Even if the situation feels hopeless: God is with you. He is your protection and your fortress.

Please contact the police in your country or organizations that offer protection.

1. Recognize: What is Violence?

Intro:
Maybe you are thinking: “He doesn’t hit me, so it is not violence.” This is a dangerous mistake. Violence starts long before the first blow. If you are afraid to speak your mind, you are already in danger. God has called you to freedom, not to fear.

Forms of Violence (Checklist):
Read through this list honestly. Do you recognize yourself here?

Physical Violence: Shoving, choking, holding you down, throwing things, pulling hair. Choking is the strongest warning sign for future intent to kill!

Sexual Violence: “Biblical submission” never means force. If your “No” is ignored or you are pressured into acts that disgust you, that is abuse.

Psychological Violence: Threats (“I will take the children away”), intimidation through looks or gestures, destroying belongings.

Financial Violence: You have no access to bank accounts, you must account for every cent, or you are kept from working.

The Core Truth:
Violence is never your fault. It doesn’t matter if the food was burnt or if you were “annoying.” Violence is always a choice made by the abuser.

You are God’s temple – allowing this temple to be destroyed is not humility.

“Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.”
(1 Corinthians 3:16-17)

2. Seeing Through It: Gaslighting & Manipulation

Intro:
Sometimes it is not fists that destroy you, but words. Do you often feel confused? Do you doubt your own mind? This is called gaslighting. It is a strategy used to make you do whatever they want.

Signs of Gaslighting:
Denying Reality: He says, “I never said that” or “You’re just imagining things,” even though you know exactly what happened.

Turning it Around: When you are hurt, you are suddenly “too sensitive,” “hysterical,” or “crazy.” He makes himself the victim of your reaction to his abuse.

Isolation: He speaks badly about your family and friends (“They just want to break us up”) until you pull away and he is the only voice left in your life.

The Enemy’s Goal:
This tactic is meant to make you so weak that you think: “I am nothing without him. I can’t live on my own.” That is a lie from hell. Your mind works. Your perception is right.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
(2 Timothy 1:7)

3. Understanding: Is a Christian Allowed to Leave?

Intro:
Have you been told: “God hates divorce, so you must stay and suffer”? That is a theological lie that costs lives. God is a God of life, not of death.

What the Bible Really Says:
God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), but in the very same verse, He says He hates violence!

When violence is involved, the marriage covenant has already been broken by the abuser. By separating, you are only finishing what he has already done through his actions.

“The Lord tests the righteous, but His soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.”
(Psalm 11:5)

Separation is Biblically Allowed:
In the book of 1 Corinthians, Paul writes that a woman may separate if living together becomes impossible. This separation is for protection and gives room for repentance.

“Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”
(1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

Keep in Mind:
God does not want you or your children to be destroyed physically or mentally. Your safety is more important than keeping the “institution” of marriage alive.

4. Action: The Safety Plan

Intro:
If you have to leave, you need a plan. Fleeing spontaneously during a fight can be life-threatening. Prepare yourself while things are calm (“Go-Bag”).

Your Safety Check (To Check Off):
[ ] Code word: Agree on a simple word with a friend or neighbor (e.g., “I have a headache”) that means: “Call the police immediately” or “Come pick me up.”

[ ] Secure documents: Copy IDs, birth certificates, marriage certificates, and vaccination records. Hide the copies with someone you trust or upload them to a secure cloud.

[ ] Finances: Set aside cash that he doesn’t know about.

[ ] The “Go-Bag”: Pack a bag with the essentials (clothes for 48 hours, medicine, spare keys) and leave it with a friend or hide it in the car or garage.

[ ] Tech: Turn off GPS/location services on your phone when you leave. Change your passwords.

Important Rule:
Do NOT tell him that you are leaving.
Do not announce it (“If you do that one more time, I’m gone”).
This is the most dangerous moment, when violence often escalates. Leave when he is not there.

“A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.”
(Proverbs 22:3)

5. Stop: A Word to the Abusers

Intro:

Are you reading this as a man (or woman?) and you realize: “This is me”? Do you scream? Do you hit? Do you control? Then listen closely now. God sees you.

Steps to True Change:

No Excuses: There is no justification. Not “She provoked me.” Not “I was stressed.” You alone are responsible for your hands and your words.
Get Help – Immediately: A “marriage seminar” is not enough. You have a violence problem. You need specialized therapy for abusers or intensive counseling.
Let Her Go: If she is afraid of you, the greatest sign of love is to let her go. Respect her boundaries. Do not fight for the marriage; fight against your own sinful nature.
Repentance: True repentance is not shown in tears, but in years of change without falling back into old ways.

“People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.”
(Proverbs 28:13)

The Marriage Check

1. Diagnosis - The 3 Conditions

Intro:
Before we can fix anything, we need to know how big the damage is.

Many couples live in a “Zombie Marriage”: Everything looks okay on the outside, but it is dead on the inside. In what condition is your marriage right now?

Condition 1: The Burning Marriage (The Goal)
You are a team.
You laugh together, pray together, and have a shared vision.
Conflicts are solved, not swept under the rug.
You are intimately close – physically and spiritually.
Feature: Unity & Passion.

Condition 2: The Roommate Marriage (Reality for many)
You function perfectly.
Kids are cared for, the house is clean, bills are paid.
But you are business partners, no longer lovers.
There is no fighting, but also no depth.
In the evening, everyone sits in front of their own screen.
Feature: Distance & Functionality.

Condition 3: The Toxic Marriage (The Danger)
Fear, bitterness, silence, or constant fighting rule everyday life.
One or both have already checked out internally.
There are “back doors” (thoughts of divorce, escaping into work/addiction).
Feature: Destruction & Coldness.

Biblical Standard:
God does not want a roommate marriage. He wants unity. He wants your marriage to be a reflection of His love.

“I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were cold or hot! So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spit you out of My mouth.”
(Revelation 3:15-16)

This principle also applies to the temperature of our relationships!

2. Warning Signs - The Silent Danger

Intro:
Marriage crises rarely happen “overnight.” Most of the time, we ignore the warning lights on the dashboard for months until the engine explodes.

The 5 Big Marriage-Killers:
Read this list. What looks familiar to you?

Speechlessness: You only talk about “logistics” (kids, schedules, money). There are no more conversations about feelings, dreams, or fears.
Separate Worlds: He has his hobbies, she has hers. There is no more shared “we-time.” You are just living side by side.
No Intimacy: Sex is a rare duty or does not happen at all. Affection in daily life (holding hands, hugging) is completely missing.
Spiritual Dryness: You never pray together. Faith is a private matter.
Contempt: This is the most dangerous signal. Rolling eyes, sarcasm, mockery, or constantly criticizing the other person. Contempt is acid for love.

Reflection:
Which of these warning signs is already glowing red for you?
Do not ignore it today.

3. The Test - Your Relationship Score

Intro:
Rate the following statements honestly from 0 (Not at all true) to 10 (Absolutely true/Perfect). Take this test by yourself first.

The 7 Questions:
Joy: I truly look forward to seeing my partner in the evening. (0-10)
Conflict: We can solve conflicts and reconcile without staying silent for days or hurting each other. (0-10)
Trust: I trust my partner completely (no secrets with phones, money, or contacts). (0-10)
Sex: We have a fulfilling, regular sexuality that makes both of us happy. (0-10)
Faith: We regularly pray together and talk about spiritual things. (0-10)
Love: I feel loved, respected, and valued by my partner. (0-10)
Future: We have shared goals and are working toward the same things. (0-10)

Your Results:
60 – 70 Points: Healthy. You have a strong foundation. Use this app to stay alert and go even deeper.
30 – 59 Points: Yellow Warning. You are in “functional mode” or a “roommate marriage.” Love is cooling down. You must invest now before bitterness takes root.
0 – 29 Points: Red Alert. Your marriage is in a crisis. One of you is likely already thinking about leaving. You need a radical fresh start. Start immediately with the “Forgiveness” module.

“Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.”
(2 Corinthians 13:5a)

4. Challenge - The First Step

Intro:
Knowledge without action is useless. No matter how bad your score was – today is the day for the first step toward a turnaround.

The Principle:
Stop waiting for your partner (“If he changes, I will change too”). Break the vicious cycle. Be the first one to love.

Your Task for Today:

1. Repent = Turn Around and Refocus (Alone):
Go to prayer. Tell God honestly where you have been lazy, unloving, critical, or bitter. Do not complain about your partner – start with your own heart. Ask God to renew YOUR love.

2. The “First Love” Act:
Do ONE specific thing today that serves your partner, without expecting anything in return or even a “thank you.”
– Take out the trash (without grumbling).
– Cook their favorite meal.
– Give him/her a neck massage.
– Write a message: “I thought of you today and am glad you are in my life.”

“Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works!”
(Revelation 2:5)

Adaptation: Love is a decision
Love is a verb. Do what you did in the beginning, and then the feelings will come back.

5. Hope - Bones Can Live

Intro:
Maybe you realized during the test: “My marriage is dead.”
A bad test result is not a death sentence. It is a diagnosis.
And we have a God who specializes in bringing the dead back to life.

God’s Promise:
In Ezekiel 37, God leads the prophet into a valley full of dry, dead bones.
He asks: “Son of man, can these bones live?”

From a human point of view: No. But God spoke the Word of Life, and they came back to life.
No matter how dry, dead, or broken your marriage is: When God breathes His Spirit into it, it can live.
Not as a “patched-up vase,” but new and stronger than before.

Prayer for you:
“Lord, I bring the pile of broken pieces and the coldness of our marriage to You.
I cannot change my partner and I cannot heal my own heart.
But You can. I give You my ‘Yes.’
Breathe Your breath of life into our relationship.
Make us alive. Amen.”

Usage - Help & Support

How to work with the app – The content

Welcome

Your relationships are the most important project of your life, especially in marriage and family.
In the “Free Insights,” we put out fires in “SOS mode” and give you the basics for marriage.

But if you really want to rebuild or strengthen the house—stable, safe, and full of joy—then you need the blueprint of the Full Version.

– Don’t wait until a crisis comes.
– Invest in the foundation now.

Unlock the full potential of your marriage!

We’ll see you in training.
(Christof Brux)

Instructions for Content

Please consume the content in small portions.
Read them, let them sink in, think about them, and—most importantly—talk to each other about them.
Give each topic (such as Communication or Forgiveness) at least one, better yet two weeks of time to really arrive in your daily life.
Your marriage is a marathon (in the best sense), not a sprint. If you “devour” this course like a Netflix series, the depth and real change will be lost.

True growth needs time to breathe.

How to Save the App to Your Home Screen

For Apple iOS (iPhone & iPad)
It is best to use the Safari browser for this.

1. Open the page in Safari.
2. Tap the Share icon at the bottom of the bar (the square with the arrow pointing up).
3. Scroll down in the menu and select “Add to Home Screen.”
4. Tap “Add” in the top right corner.
5. Done! The icon now sits on your display like a normal app.

For Android
These steps apply to the Google Chrome browser.

1. Open the page in Chrome.
2. Tap the Menu icon in the top right corner (the three dots).
3. Select “Install App” or “Add to Home Screen.”
4. Briefly confirm by tapping “Install” or “Add.”
5. That’s it! You will now find the app icon on your home screen.

Tip: Often, your phone will automatically ask you during your first visit (at the bottom edge) if you want to add the app to your home screen. One click is enough!

Offline Function

Our app also works in “dead zones” with no signal!
Once you have opened the app, the content is saved (exclude audio-files) for later.
Tip: Load longer content while you are on Wi-Fi so that you always have it with you while on the go.

Links and Responsibilities
General Questions: https://ehekraft.de/kontakt

Who is Jesus?

Basics for Marriage

Do you want a marriage that doesn’t just function, but radiates spiritual power?
This basic video series leads you step-by-step through the biblical design for partnership. We speak openly about roles, the power of the covenant, the healing of childhood wounds, and how to exercise true spiritual authority in your home. No more passivity and manipulation – start now into the freedom that God has planned for your marriage. This series is your coaching guide to move from survival mode into divine purpose.